It feels the same, everytime.

January 15, 2009 § 1 Comment

I’m awake (again? Oh come on!) and listening to Daugauva with Lars Winnerbäck, trying to move myself OUT of bed and IN to clothing to get going with this day. I have heaps of school work to finish up or at least work with and I want to write some more as well. I managed to squeeze my brain for about 10 pages yesterday, and I don’t want to lose the flow. It’s always a risk, leave the computer for ten seconds, and the story’s left you, the building, the neighbourhood and in my case, probably sneaked off to Haiti and joined a cult instead.

A friend of mine yesterday asked me about the story after me complaining that it always balances on the line of containing too much sex, I mean, it doesn’t tip (yet?) but sex is something I use to give my character space to move in. I know the rule of never discussing these things with non-authors but he was the only one online (the magic word here is HE) and off course, instead of saying something like “yes, I know, blhablahblah”, he off course assumed that the story would be hot. Hot? It’s not erotica I’m writing! Sex doesn’t have to be there for it’s own sake. It is possible to write about it with a purpose.  And it’s not like I’m writing something like “and he thrusted his big penis into her”. I wouldn’t need three years of writers school for that. Even a right wing christian can write stories in that cathegory.

So now I feel like re-writing the whole shit. I hate it that people might missunderstand me. I know Hoffert complained about the sex, he said it was more ok then it use to, but a bit too graphic at times. In the graphic parts, I’m not even sure there was a sexscene though. For some reason, it’s only the male readers who thinks the sex is too much or taking a big role in the story. I wonder why…

Daugauva is actually a quite good album, I’m amazed. Winnerbäck lost it there for a while and almost turned into Lundell Jr, but this one is back on track again. Ok, none of his new albums can ever be the same as the old ones, or even near equally good, but I’m guessing that that’s more because I was teenager when I heard them (read: ultra-emotional) than because they are so much better. His music makes me feel the same way still, a soft melancholy both sweet and a bit sad. I know I’m somehow on a turning point in my life (again), not sure if I should go for a new source of inspiration or if I should stick with it as it is. I usually don’t cope for more then 6 months with the same thing, be it a club, a partner, a hobby, whatever. I lose interest too fast. Listening to winnerbäck feels like going back and recycling an old life. Maybe it’s worth a try, probably better for the enviroment at least.

Now, I’m heading down to the city to fix my CSN money (Central Study N… something that “gives” me money every month so I can study and become this awesome writer/designer/whatever) and to check out the sale. Have a good one.. 🙂


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