November 1, 2009 § Leave a comment
Read an article about a two and a half hour long gangrape that took place outside a school in Richmond, California. Up to twenty people watched a fifteen year old get raped. Some of the people who where just passing by or “just” came to watch participated as well.
Now, some of you may here wonder how that happened, but me, I’m not surprised. First of all, we have the group dynamics to count in. Young people, not even out of their teens or just recently out othem, are even more sensitive to peer pressure, group dynamics and mob mentality than more grown individuals. They have a bigger need for belonging somewhere.
When you are a teenager, you’re in an age where you are suppose to find a “pack”. To be able to follow a group is crucial. That instinct, that started out as a helpful tool in growing up, ends up being quite ugly when it comes to situations like these.
Second, we have the extremely low respect for women that seems to be a part of modern culture everywhere. Or rather, the low respect for human beings at all amongst men/boys. If it wasn’t for the fear of being called gay, I have no doubt that they would rape eachother equally much as they do women.
August 26, 2009 § 1 Comment
And after I wrote that post, my … friend … called and we talked a bit about the allowance our culture makes for misogyny, and without having read my blog (I don’t even think he has the adresse here) he casually drops into the convo that it was just a phace, by the way. I’ve stopped feeling like that. So how to handle that? I was prepared at first to go for the thank god- never mind it all then approach. But I’m not much for forgiving things like that. Not if it doesn’t come with a big does of self analyzing and thinking. You can’t just think it’s suddenly ok because you stopped noticably feeling like that right now; because it might come back. If I tended to constantly fall over while walking outside, and then suddenly stopped for let’s say, five days, I would (hopefully) not just brush it off with it was just a phace, I walk much better now. I’d still check why I keep falling over. Ok, this analogy stumbled (har har) on the fact that I never check my health and so on, but you did get my point.
Not thinking women are horrible creatures doesn’t necessarily make you a better person, because, in many many cases, the quiet by-standers are just as guilty of the crime.
I don’t want to bash my … friend … too much though, he is new to feministic discourse and everything, and he is a bright, intelligent man. When I pointed this out to him he did understand and so on, but I wanted to write about it anyway, it got me thinking.
August 25, 2009 § 1 Comment
I have a new … friend … . Not really new, it’s been three months, but still in a way new-ish. He is sweet and all and nice and tells me nice things and all that, but he has one hideous habit that I don’t know how to handle. Every now and then he starts talking about how much he hates and distrusts women. It’s supposed to be an exaggeration and sort of a joke, but to me, a person with a vagina: it’s really just plain disturbing. I’ve told him this, some time ago, that it’s not funny and it’s not ok.
No, I’m lying. That’s not what I said. Because really, I’m such a door mat, I said to him Sure, those jokes are funny and all, but sometimes I’m a bit sensitive, and then it’s not ok. And praise teh lawd, he did cut down on them after that and a long, looong, LOONG discussion about feminism, a topic he is quite new to. I didn’t take that discussion in obvious connection to the jokes, oh no, wouldn’t dare that, but it worked. And I was happy.
Or rather, it worked a bit. Because what is left now, is that every so often, he just sneakes in a misogynist comment, masked as a joke, and I don’t dare to comment because it’s not as often as before. According to him, women are not to be trusted, are manipulative, evil and horrible. Why? Because poor him, he grew up in a world where the girls where always right. He even claims his teachers gave the girls in the classroom better grades and more space, because they were girls. I’m amazed, since all research shows the opposite, but that the girls and the boys usually thinks the girls take up more space than they actually do. But that’s not the case in his world, no, all women have misshandled him in different ways, have refused to treat him as an equal and so on, he have really grown up in the world of Egalia. I find this rather hard to believe, but I really try. Why? Because he is one of the most intelligent, nice, warm and all together fantastic people I’ve met, and I really don’t want to think of him as just another sexist. The realization here is that most guys are. I know plenty of people dumb enough to go all Hey, I’m not! right now and for the sake of things, let’s say: Ok, not you. But plenty of other, completely normal guys are. Most people, men or women, actually, are quite sexist. Me included. The difference is: I try to do something about it. Just like Fugitivus writes on her blog here, which really is a continuation if this post, and so on… Jokes are about relieving tension, and jokes about how horrible women are, is I think, about relieving tension about having to walk around all day and pretend that you like women. I very seldom make jokes about how horrible spiders are, because I don’t have to pretend to like them. I can just admit it here, in the open: they are horrible. And I seldom make jokes about how horrible puppies are, because I like them. But I do make jokes about how annoying it is to be a woman and always be one step down in the food chain, because it is annoying. And I can’t talk about it in the open, because nobody likes a feminazi*. And I need to relieve the tension I get from everyday fighting, screaming and kicking to get anywhere at all in life. But he seems to need to relieve tension from not really liking women at all. How handle that?
It feels just horribly sad. I really like this guy, and he is such a wonderful person in all other aspects, but being with someone who is under cover misogynist is equally bad as if an immigrant would date an under cover nationalist/racist.
Remember kids! “It’s just a joke” isn’t any fucking excuse to make jokes that makes it look like you brain and your ass has switched places.
*Feminazi: someone who mentions feminism in positive terms when there’s men around.