Oh my

November 1, 2009 § Leave a comment

Read an article about a two and a half hour long gangrape that took place outside a school in Richmond, California. Up to twenty people watched a fifteen year old get raped. Some of the people who where just passing by or “just” came to watch participated as well.

Now, some of you may here wonder how that happened, but me, I’m not surprised. First of all, we have the group dynamics to count in. Young people, not even out of their teens or just recently out othem, are even more sensitive to peer pressure, group dynamics and mob mentality than more grown individuals. They have a bigger need for belonging somewhere.

When you are a teenager, you’re in an age where you are suppose to find a “pack”. To be able to follow a group is crucial. That instinct, that started out as a helpful tool in growing up, ends up being quite ugly when it comes to situations like these.

Second, we have the extremely low respect for women that seems to be a part of modern culture everywhere. Or rather, the low respect for human beings at all amongst men/boys. If it wasn’t for the fear of being called gay, I have no doubt that they would rape eachother equally much as they do women.

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And then he called

August 26, 2009 § 1 Comment

And after I wrote that post, my … friend … called and we talked a bit about the allowance our culture makes for misogyny, and without having read my blog (I don’t even think he has the adresse here) he casually drops into the convo that it was just a phace, by the way. I’ve stopped feeling like that. So how to handle that? I was prepared at first to¬† go for the thank god- never mind it all then approach. But I’m not much for forgiving things like that. Not if it doesn’t come with a big does of self analyzing and thinking. You can’t just think it’s suddenly ok because you stopped noticably feeling like that right now; because it might come back. If I tended to constantly fall over while walking outside, and then suddenly stopped for let’s say, five days, I would (hopefully) not just brush it off with it was just a phace, I walk much better now. I’d still check why I keep falling over. Ok, this analogy stumbled (har har) on the fact that I never check my health and so on, but you did get my point.

Not thinking women are horrible creatures doesn’t necessarily make you a better person, because, in many many cases, the quiet by-standers are just as guilty of the crime.

I don’t want to bash my … friend … too much though, he is new to feministic discourse and everything, and he is a bright, intelligent man. When I pointed this out to him he did understand and so on, but I wanted to write about it anyway, it got me thinking.

Things that makes me go AARGHHH

August 25, 2009 § 1 Comment

I have a new … friend … . Not really new, it’s been three months, but still in a way new-ish. He is sweet and all and nice and tells me nice things and all that, but he has one hideous habit that I don’t know how to handle. Every now and then he starts talking about how much he hates and distrusts women. It’s supposed to be an exaggeration and sort of a joke, but to me, a person with a vagina: it’s really just plain disturbing. I’ve told him this, some time ago, that it’s not funny and it’s not ok.

No, I’m lying. That’s not what I said. Because really, I’m such a door mat, I said to him Sure, those jokes are funny and all, but sometimes I’m a bit sensitive, and then it’s not ok. And praise teh lawd, he did cut down on them after that and a long, looong, LOONG discussion about feminism, a topic he is quite new to. I didn’t take that discussion in obvious connection to the jokes, oh no, wouldn’t dare that, but it worked. And I was happy.

Or rather, it worked a bit. Because what is left now, is that every so often, he just sneakes in a misogynist comment, masked as a joke, and I don’t dare to comment because it’s not as often as before. According to him, women are not to be trusted, are manipulative, evil and horrible. Why? Because poor him, he grew up in a world where the girls where always right. He even claims his teachers gave the girls in the classroom better grades and more space, because they were girls. I’m amazed, since all research shows the opposite, but that the girls and the boys usually thinks the girls take up more space than they actually do. But that’s not the case in his world, no, all women have misshandled him in different ways, have refused to treat him as an equal and so on, he have really grown up in the world of Egalia. I find this rather hard to believe, but I really try. Why? Because he is one of the most intelligent, nice, warm and all together fantastic people I’ve met, and I really don’t want to think of him as just another sexist. The realization here is that most guys are. I know plenty of people dumb enough to go all Hey, I’m not! right now and for the sake of things, let’s say: Ok, not you. But plenty of other, completely normal guys are. Most people, men or women, actually, are quite sexist. Me included. The difference is: I try to do something about it. Just like Fugitivus writes on her blog here, which really is a continuation if this post, and so on… Jokes are about relieving tension, and jokes about how horrible women are, is I think, about relieving tension about having to walk around all day and pretend that you like women. I very seldom make jokes about how horrible spiders are, because I don’t have to pretend to like them. I can just admit it here, in the open: they are horrible. And I seldom make jokes about how horrible puppies are, because I like them. But I do make jokes about how annoying it is to be a woman and always be one step down in the food chain, because it is annoying. And I can’t talk about it in the open, because nobody likes a feminazi*. And I need to relieve the tension I get from everyday fighting, screaming and kicking to get anywhere at all in life. But he seems to need to relieve tension from not really liking women at all. How handle that?

It feels just horribly sad. I really like this guy, and he is such a wonderful person in all other aspects, but being with someone who is under cover misogynist is equally bad as if an immigrant would date an under cover nationalist/racist.

Remember kids! “It’s just a joke” isn’t any fucking excuse to make jokes that makes it look like you brain and your ass has switched places.

*Feminazi: someone who mentions feminism in positive terms when there’s men around.

The importance of not ever shutting up

February 11, 2009 § Leave a comment

I just listened to a radio documentary about Fadime, a young kurdish woman who got killed by her father in 2002 for having a relationship with a swedish man, and for refusing to obey the family. Before her, Pela and Sara were the most wellknown Honor Crimes in Sweden. The UN estimates that about 5000 women die every year around the world at the hands of their male relatives for “bringing shame” over the family. This is often sanctioned by the mothers or matriarchs in the family, either because they agree that the woman is the property of the men, or in cold calculation to clean the families reputation and make it easier to marry off the other daughters.

On gendercide you can read this about the reasons:
“…Such “immoral behavior” may take the form of marital infidelity, refusing to submit to an arranged marriage, demanding a divorce, flirting with or receiving phone calls from men, failing to serve a meal on time, or — grotesquely — “allowing herself” to be raped. In the Turkish province of Sanliurfa, one young woman’s “throat was slit in the town square because a love ballad was dedicated to her over the radio.” (Pelin Turgut, “‘Honour’ Killings Still Plague Turkish Province,” The Toronto Star, May 14, 1998.)”

This is, pardon my language, fucking silly. How the hell did some parts of the world become so fucking backwards, behaving like that? How how how? And then comes the next question. When moving to new countries, why do people always bring the worst of their own with them. You’d think this is one of the things that would go away with the next generation, that they would be more ready to intergrate in the new society, but no. It’s the opposite. Conservative views are often stronger in the second generation, amongst the males, then in the first. Why? I don’t know, but I think it has to do with conflict between sexuality and culture. They are taught to think of for example swedish girls as whores, and think of everything outside their own culture as not good enough, and when then feeling tempted by it, they probably cast it away as the devils work and even more evil to protect themselves from having to go through the rebellion against their own.
This is just a theory. Or it could be that some men turn their sons into misogynistic assholes, without any reason at all.

I don’t know witch it is. I probably will never know. But I do know that I can’t stand this and that something has to be done. Some sort of education when you get inside the country. Some way of teaching the women their rights, and teaching the men the same. Some way of stopping all that hate people bring with them. I get highly insulted everytime I read how people from other cultures (mostly muslim) calls me and everyone I know whores and infidels. If we now are so horribly bad, please explain why you moved here to begin with? There was once this young guy who was a fundie muslim who got a lot of space in media for (well.. for being a complete wanker more or less. But he was also doing some work with a cellar mosk, and a youth group there with fundie level stuff going on.) something I can’t really remember, I think it was about islamic culture and so on, and he complained and complained and complained about how horrible this country was, how bad everything swedish was, how we all should burn in eternal damnation (or whatever it is infidels do after this life) and how much he hated us. He talked about the horror of having to hear music when downtown (this seems to be forbidden, the only he was allowed to listen to was quran readings), having to avert his eyes from all this women who didn’t cover themselfs properly the whores, everything was just bad. After a while I guess the reporter got tired of listening, and asked him very politely but yet curiously: So why don’t you move back home then?

The magic, forbidden question. It is. Because it’s the epitome of racism.

I don’t remember the answer, but it was something along the lines of “well, I gotta finish school first, and then I’m gonna work with my cousin for a while and then I’m moving yeah.”. Although he and his friends found it problematic to be in school since they thought them heretic things like evolution, or that the world is round or whatever it is they are so opposed to. Intelligent falling is probably prefered aswell.I can’t respect this people. I can’t. I cannot show anymore respect for muslims who don’t want to hear music in the mall, then I have for christian fundies. But it’s more ok to critizes th xtians, since they are thought of as part of “white” culture. But this is just some sort of weird tweeked racism. If we were truly equal, we would be equally critized as well.

You all know I’m pro more immigration and proper integration. But this guy I think was over the line. So’re all the families with deep hate and prejudice about the swedish society. I can understand that it’s scary to move and traumatizing and all that, but I’m really tired of having those wankers to teenage boys call after me that I’m a whore, and that they’ll rape me analy and all that they say just because I’m swedish when I walk outside (yes, if I walk outside after dark, this happens). When will the parents step up to it and actually raise their sons to real people instead of idiots?

A couple of months ago there was a young girl (around 21 years old) who got beaten down by 20 guys because she told them to shut up when they screamed svennehora (swedish whore) after her. They kicked her in the face, and laughed about it. Luckily for her there was six other guys on their way home that run to her aid. I know the paper didn’t write it in clear text, that the guys kicking was all from another ethnical background then swedish, and I know why it wasn’t written, it’s not fun to be the racist. Well, this isn’t about that. It’s about the fact that these guys have been allowed by their parents and their community, by their context, to grow up and become more or less monsters. I don’t care if they are swedish or arabs, marsians or russians, they are still horrible. Now they just happen to not be swedish, and be from cultures that promoters violent behavior against women.

Yeah. I did say that. Promotes violent behavior against women. Look at Fadime, Pela, Sara. They weren’t a single isolated incident. They are symptoms of a sick culture, as these violent young men are. We have to find a way of stopping that. We have to find a way of stopping this hate of women. Misogyny has to be eliminated, otherwhise I’ll still have to stand having students sometimes asking me why I live alone, why I’m not married, why I’m not a respectful woman yet. I’ll have to stand being called a whore. I’ll have to stand reading articles about girls who die because they go against the rules, or because they get raped. I’ll have to stand reading about how men encourage their sons to hit the daughters, because if they get caught, the punishment is less harsch.

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