Monday morning thoughts

March 16, 2009 § 1 Comment

The crisis is showing patterns lurking in the shadows
Are we more angry with female bosses than male? It seems like it. People get more upset when a woman is a greedy bastard than when a man is it. Why?

“Sure, you can have equality, but curse you if you turn out to be swines”

Why do people clinge to the idea of the pure and innocent female with superior morals? We all know it isn’t so.
Also, the sudden upswing in old time morals, housewife-ideals, scares me. Last year I breefly dated a guy who asked me “but how will you ever be a good housewife?” because my apartment was in such a mess. I just laughed. I didn’t even understand the question properly, but answered that “hey, why do you think I went to university?”, impliying that I was going to have someone else do that for me, or a husband who cleaned the house, or something. Not until a couple of days later did I understand that he actually meant a stay at home housewife. In this day and age? Is it even an alternative? But it is, again. It’s coming back.

Obama: blame the black guy?
US has a fairly black president. Also, their economy is going poo-shaped. I see a correlation here that is quite ugly. It will be oh so convienient for the US to fall apart while being able to blame the black guy. I think it feels safer, then if they would have to blame a white man, since in heart and soul, many of the US people still consider white americans to be the real americans. Just like we in Sweden consider white people to be the real swedes, even though we have people who are non-scandies that have lived here for three generations.
Did the US need someone to blame?

A mere reading
I read a text about slow reading yesterday and wrote a shorter essay about it. I need to practice that more. To find that way into the text that makes the passive reading into active reflection. Reading is one of the most important parts of writing.

Is there any one who knows how to use the word Hibakusha/hibakusi? I need it for the text. I found a working metaphore now and finaly left the otters behind in the waters where they belong.

I’m applying for a job up in Umeå now, to see if I can spend the summer there. I’ll take a writers class, and hang out up north, write, work and play for the summer. It would be so perfect. I really do hope it works. I feel like I desperatly need to get away to keep my process going. I’m painting myself into a corner a bit right now. And honestly, there is nothing here for me anyway. It feels like I’m breaking up with my city.


It feels the same, everytime.

January 15, 2009 § 1 Comment

I’m awake (again? Oh come on!) and listening to Daugauva with Lars Winnerbäck, trying to move myself OUT of bed and IN to clothing to get going with this day. I have heaps of school work to finish up or at least work with and I want to write some more as well. I managed to squeeze my brain for about 10 pages yesterday, and I don’t want to lose the flow. It’s always a risk, leave the computer for ten seconds, and the story’s left you, the building, the neighbourhood and in my case, probably sneaked off to Haiti and joined a cult instead.

A friend of mine yesterday asked me about the story after me complaining that it always balances on the line of containing too much sex, I mean, it doesn’t tip (yet?) but sex is something I use to give my character space to move in. I know the rule of never discussing these things with non-authors but he was the only one online (the magic word here is HE) and off course, instead of saying something like “yes, I know, blhablahblah”, he off course assumed that the story would be hot. Hot? It’s not erotica I’m writing! Sex doesn’t have to be there for it’s own sake. It is possible to write about it with a purpose.  And it’s not like I’m writing something like “and he thrusted his big penis into her”. I wouldn’t need three years of writers school for that. Even a right wing christian can write stories in that cathegory.

So now I feel like re-writing the whole shit. I hate it that people might missunderstand me. I know Hoffert complained about the sex, he said it was more ok then it use to, but a bit too graphic at times. In the graphic parts, I’m not even sure there was a sexscene though. For some reason, it’s only the male readers who thinks the sex is too much or taking a big role in the story. I wonder why…

Daugauva is actually a quite good album, I’m amazed. Winnerbäck lost it there for a while and almost turned into Lundell Jr, but this one is back on track again. Ok, none of his new albums can ever be the same as the old ones, or even near equally good, but I’m guessing that that’s more because I was teenager when I heard them (read: ultra-emotional) than because they are so much better. His music makes me feel the same way still, a soft melancholy both sweet and a bit sad. I know I’m somehow on a turning point in my life (again), not sure if I should go for a new source of inspiration or if I should stick with it as it is. I usually don’t cope for more then 6 months with the same thing, be it a club, a partner, a hobby, whatever. I lose interest too fast. Listening to winnerbäck feels like going back and recycling an old life. Maybe it’s worth a try, probably better for the enviroment at least.

Now, I’m heading down to the city to fix my CSN money (Central Study N… something that “gives” me money every month so I can study and become this awesome writer/designer/whatever) and to check out the sale. Have a good one.. 🙂

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