August 25, 2009 § 1 Comment
I have a new … friend … . Not really new, it’s been three months, but still in a way new-ish. He is sweet and all and nice and tells me nice things and all that, but he has one hideous habit that I don’t know how to handle. Every now and then he starts talking about how much he hates and distrusts women. It’s supposed to be an exaggeration and sort of a joke, but to me, a person with a vagina: it’s really just plain disturbing. I’ve told him this, some time ago, that it’s not funny and it’s not ok.
No, I’m lying. That’s not what I said. Because really, I’m such a door mat, I said to him Sure, those jokes are funny and all, but sometimes I’m a bit sensitive, and then it’s not ok. And praise teh lawd, he did cut down on them after that and a long, looong, LOONG discussion about feminism, a topic he is quite new to. I didn’t take that discussion in obvious connection to the jokes, oh no, wouldn’t dare that, but it worked. And I was happy.
Or rather, it worked a bit. Because what is left now, is that every so often, he just sneakes in a misogynist comment, masked as a joke, and I don’t dare to comment because it’s not as often as before. According to him, women are not to be trusted, are manipulative, evil and horrible. Why? Because poor him, he grew up in a world where the girls where always right. He even claims his teachers gave the girls in the classroom better grades and more space, because they were girls. I’m amazed, since all research shows the opposite, but that the girls and the boys usually thinks the girls take up more space than they actually do. But that’s not the case in his world, no, all women have misshandled him in different ways, have refused to treat him as an equal and so on, he have really grown up in the world of Egalia. I find this rather hard to believe, but I really try. Why? Because he is one of the most intelligent, nice, warm and all together fantastic people I’ve met, and I really don’t want to think of him as just another sexist. The realization here is that most guys are. I know plenty of people dumb enough to go all Hey, I’m not! right now and for the sake of things, let’s say: Ok, not you. But plenty of other, completely normal guys are. Most people, men or women, actually, are quite sexist. Me included. The difference is: I try to do something about it. Just like Fugitivus writes on her blog here, which really is a continuation if this post, and so on… Jokes are about relieving tension, and jokes about how horrible women are, is I think, about relieving tension about having to walk around all day and pretend that you like women. I very seldom make jokes about how horrible spiders are, because I don’t have to pretend to like them. I can just admit it here, in the open: they are horrible. And I seldom make jokes about how horrible puppies are, because I like them. But I do make jokes about how annoying it is to be a woman and always be one step down in the food chain, because it is annoying. And I can’t talk about it in the open, because nobody likes a feminazi*. And I need to relieve the tension I get from everyday fighting, screaming and kicking to get anywhere at all in life. But he seems to need to relieve tension from not really liking women at all. How handle that?
It feels just horribly sad. I really like this guy, and he is such a wonderful person in all other aspects, but being with someone who is under cover misogynist is equally bad as if an immigrant would date an under cover nationalist/racist.
Remember kids! “It’s just a joke” isn’t any fucking excuse to make jokes that makes it look like you brain and your ass has switched places.
*Feminazi: someone who mentions feminism in positive terms when there’s men around.
June 27, 2009 § Leave a comment
I just read an article about the whole “bro’s before hoe’s”-phenomenon, about the bizarreness in it. And that as a girl/woman/etc you’ll always somehow be second best.
I’d like to allow myself to be really upset about this, because it does upset me, but I do the same thing as she wrote about in the article, I prioritize my friends first, always. So I can’t really complain, can I.
Besides that I also stumbled upon some “real women/real men”-comments. That’s scary for real, can people be that dumb and left in the last century that they still think in terms of “real” men and women? So what am I then? How can you be a fake-gender?
May 15, 2009 § Leave a comment
On sunday I’m going to be in stockholm and talk about blogs, diaries and new vs old media. Being an interaction designer AND writer, I supposedly know this stuff. I really hope I do.
Today is preparation deluxe day, I need to find my thoughts about this and sort them before tomo, since tomo is meet your new job-day for me. The problem is that I now all of the sudden lost my writers block that I had for a week, and have started to finish up the last pages of the novel. Not that it’s finished, after that it’ll be at least two months of re-writing before I know if it’s good enough.
I thought about sending in some poetry in the meantime, just to sort of steal my own attention away from the whole scary and angsty business of actually finishing a novel.
I’ll try to write some stuff here about the seminar/discussion later, it’s just that I need to do it in the dear mother tounge. I can’t promise I can be bothered with translating.
May 14, 2009 § Leave a comment
The therapeutic writing processis one of the more complex ones to handle as a writer/teacher yourself. I at least find it very hard to critisize something that so obviously is part of a mental process necessary for the artist to grow as a person, even if the result is completely uninteresting from an artistic point of view.
Some claim all art, and at least all interesting art, is made in some sence for therapeutic reasons, and I’m quite ready to hum and nod and say “yeah, probably” at that, but there is a difference between making it obviously so and being human. So you have childhood traumas? Go to a psychologist. Get a dog. But don’t write about it, don’t paint it and don’t make installations about it, every other second. It isn’t that interesting. If you aren’t going to do it in a new, innovative and fantastic way, or for that, have a lovely intellectualized reason behind it, stop pushing your bad memories down my throat. It really isn’t that exiting to see it over and over again, done in the same way.
This flaunting of the self seems unavoidable nowadays, I do it too, so I really shouldn’t say anything. It seems to me that the discrepancy between market and people is pushing forward this voyerism-driven type of art, that while we crave more person and less company behind things we see, we also do it because we like to look at other peoples misery, it makes us feel better.
Also, not to forget. We like it because it’s simple art. It’s easy to understand. Doesn’t demand anything of us, but still feels more legitimate then just landscapes. It makes us feel, in the same way as hollywood productions does, but with the plus side of giving us a better self image, oh, how arty we are.
Suddenly we again despise things that demand something from us, because that demand highers the risk of failure, and the failure of many gives us an elite. And it is important in a society where the market is stearing everything, that the people feel like even the elite are as dumb and fooled as they are. An elite that diets, cheats and show breasts on tv is an ok elite, an elite with high up jobs that play golf and never read books are ok. But the intellectual elite is dangerous for the self image, since they understand just a tiny bit more than the others.
So suddenly we are standing with a whole generation och plump therapeutic art, and things like ugly vandalism, photographed in an ugly way, to keep it “real”. Everybody is siding with the people, and therefore also creating a community with nothing intellectual to strive for, ending up siding with the big global corporates.
.. and then we all die. More or less.
March 19, 2009 § Leave a comment
It’s sunny outside! Finally! Now, all I need is to get rid of the final bits of this flue.
A friend told me earlier that this was the only english blog he reads, since it’s so well written. Yey. I pointed out that my english is equivalent of a teenagers.. but still. Happy happies all around.