February 25, 2009 § Leave a comment
I’m in Umeå! About as far up north as you can come if you live in the south end of Sweden (if I would go even further up I’d have to travel for more then 14 hours from home, and that’s just too far north. There is a limit to how far north it’s possible for me to go and still stay fairly sane.). It’s half a meter snow here at the least, and sunny. Beautiful!
I went here partly so I could relax and get some distance between me and reality, and get some work done, write a bit, program a bit. But mostly breath in, breath out. My soul needs some space, and this is the perfect place to get it. I still seem to have a tight schedule while I’m here, but it doesn’t matter, I can still relax in a completely different way here.
On friday Olivia Bergdahl and Loke is playing up here, which is great, since I’m missing out of a lot of stuff while I’m gone, seems like all good shows and clubs are on this weekend.
I’m gonna try to get time to have a beer with Olivia or just hang out in the snow, you know, stuff you do when up north. We’re going to dinner at a friends house as well (not with Olivia mind you), and there is a poetry slam on thursday that I’m thinking of squeezing in. I really hope I get time to go out into the outbacks here and just watch the nightsky. Two weeks is a long time, but not near as long as it feels like.
January 26, 2009 § 2 Comments
It’s monday morning and in my head I can hear Nico and Velvet Underground sing, even though I’m trying to turn it off. This is the day to start over, not a day for dwelling in nostalgia angst. I finished all my left over work for school last week and it feels good to be free. I spent the weekend marvelling at the fact that I didn’t have to do anything. Such a great feeling.
Two days in Skurup did wonders for my motivation and go get-attitude, which was down on crawl try by now. I still have things that needs to be finished if I’m ever gonna be able to get out of this country, but right now I’m gonna take a week and just take care of myself. You know, Try to back away from panic mode. I’m a bit too close to the famous wall, it’s not so much about not running into it as it is about not repeatedly banging my head to it.
To hear Ida Börjel talk about her latest book was great, mostly because she does a lot of research for her poetry, and I can see my own mind in hers in a way. At least it feels like I can recognize and see myself in the level of nerdiness. It was really inspiring. Just like so many other things. Just to talk to the others about writing, about working with this, about being what is essentially me. That is what I am, a writer. It is how I recognize myself, I write, it’s what I do, how I breath and live.
I gained a lot of energy during those two days, and spring is probably coming soon, so I decided to make some changes, or at least try. I bought a printer (and copymachine, and scanner, it gives me megalomanian fantasies about scanning everything in the whole world muahahaha. etc.) so I can print out the whole manuscript and take a closer look at it. It’s time soon to start to look at problems with the storyline, is it too tangled? Selfcontradicting? So on. I’m going to try, for the hunnert and fourth time in my life, to get som structure.
Also I went on a walk this morning. I’m going to try at least this week, to go for three walks. Just this week first. Small small tiny steps at a time. The only functioning way to change your life.
It never works to say “I’m gonna start working out five times a week, 2 hours every time, and I’m gonna stop eating anything at all except green vegetables!”. If it does work, you should probably visit a psychiatrist and not a gym.
Having made this small changes, like taking a walk, eating a good healthy breakfast, buying a much needed printer, entitles me to do one very ritual thing. I’m buying a new notebook. This is something I always do when I change my life to the better. I buy notebooks, and a new pen. So when I’ve finished writing this, I’m gonna go downtown and buy a notebook and a pen, a design magazine (yeah, I’m pampering myself). And then I’m gonna kick start this week by printing all the 90 pages.
New life, new energy and new hairstyle.