I too need to #talkaboutit

December 22, 2010 § 8 Comments

This blog has been quiet for quite some time, for a reason. That reason is neglect from my side. I was just too bored, to focused on other things to bother.

And then. Something happened.

The swedish campaign #prataomdet started up, more or less spontainiously, and spread like wildfire. It was a reaction to the whole Assange business, the whole denying of rape. The whole treating sexcrimes as if they are uncommon and strange and only done by weird lonely men hiding in the park. The campaign isn’t about Assange and his possible doings, it is a reaction to what has been written about it and what Assange himself, plus Israel Sharim has done. They smeared the victims. Many lies have been bouncing around the internet, CIA-connection has been discussed, the womens feminism has been pointed out – because a feminist can’t be raped. Or something I don’t know.

What makes me want to #talkaboutit, is that many has used the possible victims irrational behavior as a reason for this to be untrue. And it shows just how little people know about rape.

First time somebody took liberties with my body that I didn’t give them, I was 15. I managed to fend him off, just before he tried to penetrate me. I was a firm believer of that I should be able to stop whenever I want, even if I’m naked. I still believe that, but now I know that it doesn’t help what I believe because if a person has more muscle power, he can pin you down.

I went home and showered for an hour. Then I pretended nothing happened.

Next one up was a guy I was in love with. He did a lot of horrible stuff when he was drunk, he used violence, he did things to me when I was asleep. He was strong. I tried to fight him off, one of the time there was people in the room. They thought my sounds was from pleasure. They weren’t. After a while I gave up, and faked just so it would be over.

Next time I was at a festival, two guys, they seemed nice. They offered me drugs. Then they stopped listening. I didn’t call the police afterwards, I was still high. But a friend did. The police arrested them but let them go. There wasn’t enough proof that they had understood I didn’t want to. It wasn’t enough saying no.

Next time again, it was a long term boyfriend. He wanted me and I didn’t want him. I said no. I said stop it. He didn’t. Afterwards he didn’t understand why I cried. When I a year later dumped him and said it out loud. You raped me. He said no, he didn’t do that, he would never. But he did.

These stories are no secrets. I’m not ashamed of this. It’s not my fault. And the last days something important has happened. Suddenly my friends and I had said “Yes, it has happened to me too”, and shared our stories openly, with eachother, not caring who hears.

A small glimmer of hope in me has started to shine. Maybe I’m not alone anymore, wanting to talk about this openly, maybe I’m not the only one ready to stop hushing when these stories are told.

Whatever the meta-discussion about this says, we need to show just how common this is. Just how badly we need to take our bodies back from a society that treats them like shit.

I’m proud. I survived. I came out stronger. And I hope that somehow, this will start something new.

Yeah, figured this would happen

March 22, 2009 § Leave a comment

“This was a degrading remark about our world’s most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world,” Palin said in a statement released Friday. “These athletes overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will. By the way, these athletes can outperform many of us and we should be proud of them. I hope President Obama’s comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community.”

via CNN Political Ticker: All politics, all the time Blog Archive – Palin, Shriver target Obama for Special Olympics comment « – Blogs from CNN.com.

And the shit hit the fan. But, besides the fact that Obama made a plump joke and just got downgraded from Messiah to Belsebub, I’d like to take a minute and reflect on Palins statement here. I’ll point out the part I’m wondering about:

“our world’s most precious and unique people”

Isn’t this… well.. Isn’t this a bit like talking about puppies? “You are such a cute little puppy, the cutest and best puppy in the WORLD”. Or babies! “Such a beautiful little lovely baby, aren’t you just the cutest most precious baby in the world!”.

Yeah, what’s wrong with that you might say.. Well. IT ISN’T the cutest puppy and the best baby ever. And the people competing in the special olympics aren’t our most precious people. Every human being has an equal value as an individual, but I’d say that our most precious people probably are doctors and farmers, and scientists, maybe? Our most unique people.. Well, they do seem to live in USA all of them at least.

And think of this, if your kid draws some sort of incomprehensible doodle on a paper and claims it’s a duck, you’ll say “yeah, it’s such a good duck too! What an artist you are!” and you’ll pin it up on the fridge. You might even torture you’re friends by calling them up and tell them about the remarkable doodle duck (and your friends will hate you, and no longer be your friends. Don’t ever call me to talk about doodles your kids made, ok?), and for your kids level of skill (eye hand coordination, etcetera), it might be a remarkably good doodle duck.

But it’s still just a freaking doodle. If you take it out of context, and put it in a museum, people will walk by and say “Hey, isn’t that just a kids drawing?”. Because it’s not art.

Conclusion: Just because you are extremely good at something on your level, with your skills, with your background, it doesn’t mean that you actually are good at it. I suck at math for example. I have a very high level of understanding of logical problems, in comparision to others with my level of math ed, but that doesn’t make me good at math in general. It’s just a way of saying “oh well, it could have been worse”.

So, no, this is not about our most precious and unique asset to the human race, at all. It’s about people who are extremely skilled at what they do, in context of their background. Can please agree on it that there is an important difference here? And that differnece can be simply put like this: In one of the cases you pat people on the head like if they were babies. In the other you respect them enough to put their skills partly in context of both their background, and the real world.

Now you choose.

Friday, always friday

February 27, 2009 § Leave a comment

It’s completely abfab to be up here. I love it. The only bad thing about it is that I still have to work, and actually do things. But still

Yesterday we went to Elins place and had wine and a very fancy dinner. It was great seeing her again, I tend to completely forget how alike we are. Not maybe as persons, but we share the same interests. We had a really good time, and then we went out to have just a drink and maybe some dancing. Yes, you heard me. We tried to go out on a thursday night. In Umeå. Not my brightest moment. Why? Because this is just around the corner from the end of civilisation, it’s not the place that has fancy clubs on thursdays.

ljudlega1We went to a bar anyhow (Lis went home though, to tired) and had a glass of wine before it was time to tumble home in all the snow. Mim somehow managed to get me to measure the snow depth (if I jumped right into a pile of it, I had snow up to my knees) and role down a four meter pile of it. Good fun. A bit wet though. We had one of those long middle of night, middle of nowhere, middle of drunk conversations about life, love, and how cute one of the guys in the bar was. Just what I wanted and needed. It’s worth the hangover, just that whole smalltalking about the everything.

If anybody wonders by the way, my signature is not on the pic to be fancy pancy, it’s a form of watermark. I’m trying to remember to use it.

Oh, and a request, anybody know of any good serif-fonts that I could use? I need something fresh for my folio.

oh help me unexisting entity in the sky

February 8, 2009 § Leave a comment

On the busstop on my way home a guy who looks like Pharrell Williams approaches me, oozes sex and strikes a conversation with me. And then my bus arrived. I’m not sure if to curse it or thank it. He was by far the hottest man ever EVER trying to talk to me. (I think I need to higher my standards. If I can get a guy like that, I’m aiming way too low.)

My knees are weak and my brain is one squeeshy mess. Probably still good I went home to sleep instead of following the midbrain instinct (to stay and smile like an idiot and make halfwords/noices).

Seriously, someone that hot, hitting on me? Maybe there is a god, after all.

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