Oh my

November 1, 2009 § Leave a comment

Read an article about a two and a half hour long gangrape that took place outside a school in Richmond, California. Up to twenty people watched a fifteen year old get raped. Some of the people who where just passing by or “just” came to watch participated as well.

Now, some of you may here wonder how that happened, but me, I’m not surprised. First of all, we have the group dynamics to count in. Young people, not even out of their teens or just recently out othem, are even more sensitive to peer pressure, group dynamics and mob mentality than more grown individuals. They have a bigger need for belonging somewhere.

When you are a teenager, you’re in an age where you are suppose to find a “pack”. To be able to follow a group is crucial. That instinct, that started out as a helpful tool in growing up, ends up being quite ugly when it comes to situations like these.

Second, we have the extremely low respect for women that seems to be a part of modern culture everywhere. Or rather, the low respect for human beings at all amongst men/boys. If it wasn’t for the fear of being called gay, I have no doubt that they would rape eachother equally much as they do women.

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The internet is lost

August 20, 2009 § Leave a comment

The internet is lost. Yes, yes it is. I know you think that you are surfing it right now, but you aren’t, or at least quite soon, you wont be anymore.

Why is that? Off course the global web wont disappear in any way, but at least I think we move further and further away from browseroriented use of the internet and towards application-oriented. Also, the usage of global networks in applications will stop being a feature you promote, but being something you assume to be there to begin with. And do we really need to talk about surfing the web, when we are constantly? As society goes more and more digital, and more and more global, what we do need to talk about is what is not global, not digital. Like a word like snail-mail. We assume that mail is e-mail, the “e” has become obsolete, thus the need for words that define the other type of mail, the less common type. Old school postal style letters on paper-mail.

To surf the net is a definite action. To just work with interactive applications that uses internet based systems/apps/databases as a resource is not the same action. And takes a lot longer to say.

Artsy, isn’t it

May 14, 2009 § Leave a comment

The therapeutic writing processis one of the more complex ones to handle as a writer/teacher yourself. I at least find it very hard to critisize something that so obviously is part of a mental process necessary for the artist to grow as a person, even if the result is completely uninteresting from an artistic point of view.

Some claim all art, and at least all interesting art, is made in some sence for therapeutic reasons, and I’m quite ready to hum and nod and say “yeah, probably” at that, but there is a difference between making it obviously so and being human. So you have childhood traumas? Go to a psychologist. Get a dog. But don’t write about it, don’t paint it and don’t make installations about it, every other second. It isn’t that interesting. If you aren’t going to do it in a new, innovative and fantastic way, or for that, have a lovely intellectualized reason behind it, stop pushing your bad memories down my throat. It really isn’t that exiting to see it over and over again, done in the same way.

This flaunting of the self seems unavoidable nowadays, I do it too, so I really shouldn’t say anything. It seems to me that the discrepancy between market and people is pushing forward this voyerism-driven type of art, that while we crave more person and less company behind things we see, we also do it because we like to look at other peoples misery, it makes us feel better.

Also, not to forget. We like it because it’s simple art. It’s easy to understand. Doesn’t demand anything of us, but still feels more legitimate then just landscapes. It makes us feel, in the same way as hollywood productions does, but with the plus side of giving us a better self image, oh, how arty we are.

Suddenly we again despise things that demand something from us, because that demand highers the risk of failure, and the failure of many gives us an elite. And it is important in a society where the market is stearing everything, that the people feel like even the elite are as dumb and fooled as they are. An elite that diets, cheats and show breasts on tv is an ok elite, an elite with high up jobs that play golf and never read books are ok. But the intellectual elite is dangerous for the self image, since they understand just a tiny bit more than the others.

So suddenly we are standing with a whole generation och plump therapeutic art, and things like ugly vandalism, photographed in an ugly way, to keep it “real”. Everybody is siding with the people, and therefore also creating a community with nothing intellectual to strive for, ending up siding with the big global corporates.

.. and then we all die. More or less.

Fitna

April 1, 2009 § Leave a comment

I just watched this, fitna the movie. I thought I’d see what the fuzz was all about for myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to finish watching it after suddenly the movie claims that “the netherlands is under a spell of islam”.

The netherlands is one of europes most racist countries. They aren’t really under any spell but a racist one. I am not at all amazed that the movie comes from there.

But, besides that, when I watched [the first half] of Fitna, I have to admit I wasn’t surprised. It was a bunch of clips with hardcore muslims and islamists over and over again saying that all infidels must die and that they are going to take over the world, and that was about it. Some dead bodies too.

But in every group, there is this extremist part, amongst almost all religions and amongst many political groups. You can’t single out muslims and tell everyone that them taking over the world is bad and horrible if you don’t do the same with, for example, nazis or other fascist groups, or communists. Kill all the infidels is something all this groups could scream.

Also, if the “muslim world, as people tend to call it, would “rise” and try to “strike the infidels down”, I’m pretty sure that there would be mass destruction and war even in their own countries.

And somewhere around here, I realize that the abrahamic religions wants this war. Since it forebodes the coming of christ or equivalent. Oh well, I’ll just go and prepare to die then.

Short note: A friend from random african country just told me that finally being black isn’t the lowest of the low anymore, now, at the bottom of the food chain, is arabs, when you are looking for jobs for example. Glad to here that being black isn’t the worst you can be anymore, but sad to hear that all arabs have to suffer because of a stupid few.

YES, finally my inner fatalist got some action!

March 29, 2009 § Leave a comment

If you missed the irony dripping sarcasm in todays headline, look again.

I wasn’t the most sober girl yesterday. Not at all the most sober one actually. Maybe the least sober one. I’m not sure. I’m not feeling well today anyway, not well at all. Maybe it was something in the food?

I’m guessing though that it wasn’t, because all I ate yesterday was a salad. So it’s much more likely that the reason I’m feeling like I do, is the lack of food, not the possible little bacterias in what little I ate.

Anyway I managed to fcuk up quite well yesterday, mostly by doing things that needed to be done, but not while drunk. I had fun though. And I have a hicky bite mark that hurts, that I’m not even really sure how or why it happened. All I know is that I’m blaming Fisk for it. It’s always his fault, one way or the other. jagochstefan

Anyhow, the night ended me in having messed up my relationship with three closer friends (various degrees of friends, and close. Various definitions of the same, but this is no chicklitblog, so I’ll spare you the details), and having made an ass of myself infront of almost-strangers. I fell asleep and woke up wondering why in heavens they let me live at all.
Yesterday it all seemed clear as a day, why I did or said what I did and said, but today it’s blatantly obvious that it was all just some pseudo actions covering up for some self destructive teenage angst shit. I should be locked up.

Well, tonight Little Big Planet awaits, together with Bj√∂rn, and I’m gonna build cases and stuff for the cellar, so I’ll get over it. I hope. Or I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen.

Not that I’m in a hurry or anything

March 27, 2009 § 2 Comments

In ten minutes, I need to get ready for going to Skurup, to the school. It’ll be an interesting day today I think. Bente Clod is coming and talking about pedagogics in writing.

As usual it was really inspiring yesterday, especially to talk about our pracs and to vent some of the problems. The core is one thing and one thing only: Being secure in your role as the teacher/leader/mentor. I guess that’s something you need to find within.

I also got a job inteview but 1500 km away, so I might move away from here. That’s nice though, it’s a good job and I need to change enviroment. I really hope I get the job.

I was so happy about that yesterday, but then I dreamed about one of my exes coming around telling me what an idiot I was and treating me like crap, so now I feel like crap -again- anyway. Can I haz sum dignity back puhleeze? I hate it when it feels like every breath you ever took is a misstake. It feels like that today.

Oh well. It’ll feel better later. ^__^

Work, for the rest of my life

March 23, 2009 § Leave a comment

I had dinner yesterday, with my mom, my cousin and my cousins daughter (who is actually 14 now, which is slightly scary but really nice. I mean, if she is 14, then I’m OLD. But it’s nice t be able to sit down and talk properly:)). We talked a bit about jobs and all that, and I tried to explain why I don’t feel like working for 40 years.

I’m going to clarify:

I’d love to work for 80, 100 years, if I work with fine arts, writing and graphic design. That would be great. But I don’t really count that as “work”, that would be “getting paid for doing what I love”. If I’d have an ordinary job, getting up at six every morning, to do something that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, for 40 years, I’d die.

I wouldn’t mind working in a store, or something like that, for a while. It’s probably fun and a good experience. Or working in an office. Or whatever. It’s probably great. And jobs are fun. But I don’t like the idea of forever giving up what I love, to work 9 to 5. (It’s really 8 – 5, isn’t it? And with travels and stuff counted for, it’s really 7 -6)

I might have to do it. I might have to give up all my dreams. It might happen. But I hope not. I want to write, and paint and push pixels around. There has to be a way. I don’t want to stand there when I’m fourty, saying that sure all my dreams died, but at least I have a nice house.

It’s just so depressing. Most people (proper grown ups, like over 40 yrs old) seem to think that my painting, photography and writing is some sort of hobby. That I don’t need it to survive. That I should give it up and be realistic about things.

So once and for all. It’s not a hobby. It’s my oxygen. I need it everyday, all the time. To work so much I wouldn’t have time for it, I’d loose myself. I would become something else. I don’t want that. I don’t want to turn bitter. Please?

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