Everything, all of it

March 10, 2009 § Leave a comment

I’m trying to apply for the non-existant jobs, remake my homepage and write at the same time. Imagine how well it works.

Oh well. I’ll leave Umeå tomorrow with an aquired tooth brush outsourced. Or rather, just left where it was aquired, which is more or less the same as outsourced in this case. Probably someone else will own it soon enough. But it’s nice to know that it was there for me for a couple of days. Tooth brushes are good and heavy with symbolism. I remember an ex boyfriend, who was very protective (like me, actually), and didn’t want me to leave stuff at his place, so I placed a symbolic tooth brush in our shared folder on MSN.

The strangest things happen to us when communicating through the internet with potential partners. Or rather, the online equivalent of all the weird things we do anyway, like suddenly hangin out on certain communities, changing profile pictures. Writing blogs about completely irrelevant things, like how good we are or how we don’t have anything to do, and are very much open for suggestions. Or changing status everywhere from “it’s complicated” or “polyamorous” or “I’ll take what I get” to the more subtle “single”. Suddenly the whole intertubes has to be rearranged to fit the new purposes. All ugly pictures on facebook gets untaged, myspace layout switched, twitter suddenly gets used.

And then the googling starts. To look for clues, ideas, whatnots, scraps, crumbles, anything. For days looking for a single good picture of your new object of desire, at least one, please tell me he/she doesn’t look like this, no, god, am I blind? Things like that. This is where the real world really has the upper hand. It’s so much easier to ask a friend about the objects habits and political view points, than spending five days trying to even find out their last name. It’s the internet equivalent of the first week of a crush.

Somewhere after starting to googling, you probably sent a message on myspace, maybe not to the person, but to some of his or hers friends. Maybe added some of the favourite bands to your list, suddenly recollecting that you always loved underground Ska from Senegal. A few days later you’ll send a witty message to the actuall man/woman of your current dreams. Then you wait for a couple of days, panic, call all your friends, and then FINALLY you get an answer. The internet equivalent of an hello while passing by down town. It’s not even a smile, but it’s something. Something to build on.

You push away. You say something more. S/he get’s engaged in the conversation. You realize this is it, s/he is the one, you are going to marry, have kids, live in the ‘burbs.

And your internet connection goes down for a couple of days. On return, nothing feels the same anymore. The wittyness seems strained. The answers cold. It’s over. Nothing left.


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