Too much at once

March 9, 2009 § Leave a comment

I really don’t want to go home right now. I’m supposed to leave in two days, and I feel like selling the ticket and sticking around for a while longer. It’s just so damn expensive to travel between Umeå and Malmö.

It’s very often like this. When I finally can relax, I need to go. It’s like I can’t relax until I know I have to leave soon. I’ve had two weeks up here to write and finish my new webpage, but not until today I feel like I could actually produce something. And if I would work today and tomorrow, I’ll miss out on hangin out with Mim and Lis, so that’s worthless.

But travelling always ends me up here, wanting to stay but going home anyway. Same in Australia, I’ll never get over that, same in Poland, in Malta, in all countries, here in Sweden as well. I always just want to stay another day, but I never can. I always end up going home, getting more depressed, and loosing even more hope.

I need to hand in a new version of the story too, to my mentor. I promised to hand in a script on thursday, and now it all feels completely pointless.

I know I can’t stay here. However much I want, I need to go home and have my life, or what little I have that I could call a life. My wonderful parentals had put some new flowers in my apartment, and fixed some stuff for me. Lots of love for that. (Yeah, they do read the blog)

If only I had the courage to stick around.

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