YES, finally my inner fatalist got some action!

March 29, 2009 § Leave a comment

If you missed the irony dripping sarcasm in todays headline, look again.

I wasn’t the most sober girl yesterday. Not at all the most sober one actually. Maybe the least sober one. I’m not sure. I’m not feeling well today anyway, not well at all. Maybe it was something in the food?

I’m guessing though that it wasn’t, because all I ate yesterday was a salad. So it’s much more likely that the reason I’m feeling like I do, is the lack of food, not the possible little bacterias in what little I ate.

Anyway I managed to fcuk up quite well yesterday, mostly by doing things that needed to be done, but not while drunk. I had fun though. And I have a hicky bite mark that hurts, that I’m not even really sure how or why it happened. All I know is that I’m blaming Fisk for it. It’s always his fault, one way or the other. jagochstefan

Anyhow, the night ended me in having messed up my relationship with three closer friends (various degrees of friends, and close. Various definitions of the same, but this is no chicklitblog, so I’ll spare you the details), and having made an ass of myself infront of almost-strangers. I fell asleep and woke up wondering why in heavens they let me live at all.
Yesterday it all seemed clear as a day, why I did or said what I did and said, but today it’s blatantly obvious that it was all just some pseudo actions covering up for some self destructive teenage angst shit. I should be locked up.

Well, tonight Little Big Planet awaits, together with Björn, and I’m gonna build cases and stuff for the cellar, so I’ll get over it. I hope. Or I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen.


Not that I’m in a hurry or anything

March 27, 2009 § 2 Comments

In ten minutes, I need to get ready for going to Skurup, to the school. It’ll be an interesting day today I think. Bente Clod is coming and talking about pedagogics in writing.

As usual it was really inspiring yesterday, especially to talk about our pracs and to vent some of the problems. The core is one thing and one thing only: Being secure in your role as the teacher/leader/mentor. I guess that’s something you need to find within.

I also got a job inteview but 1500 km away, so I might move away from here. That’s nice though, it’s a good job and I need to change enviroment. I really hope I get the job.

I was so happy about that yesterday, but then I dreamed about one of my exes coming around telling me what an idiot I was and treating me like crap, so now I feel like crap -again- anyway. Can I haz sum dignity back puhleeze? I hate it when it feels like every breath you ever took is a misstake. It feels like that today.

Oh well. It’ll feel better later. ^__^

Oh how I want to break free

March 25, 2009 § Leave a comment

I need to write.
It’s not some sort of inner urge for creative outbursts, no, I have a show next friday at ONT (perfomance club at Hedmanska Gården in Malmö) and I need to prepare. Also I’m competing on tuesday.
While I’m at it I also need to read some other texts, and prepare for school. And I need to get downtown and do some shopping (not the fun type.). And so on.

To make it short, I’m gonna go suicidal today.

Work, for the rest of my life

March 23, 2009 § Leave a comment

I had dinner yesterday, with my mom, my cousin and my cousins daughter (who is actually 14 now, which is slightly scary but really nice. I mean, if she is 14, then I’m OLD. But it’s nice t be able to sit down and talk properly:)). We talked a bit about jobs and all that, and I tried to explain why I don’t feel like working for 40 years.

I’m going to clarify:

I’d love to work for 80, 100 years, if I work with fine arts, writing and graphic design. That would be great. But I don’t really count that as “work”, that would be “getting paid for doing what I love”. If I’d have an ordinary job, getting up at six every morning, to do something that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, for 40 years, I’d die.

I wouldn’t mind working in a store, or something like that, for a while. It’s probably fun and a good experience. Or working in an office. Or whatever. It’s probably great. And jobs are fun. But I don’t like the idea of forever giving up what I love, to work 9 to 5. (It’s really 8 – 5, isn’t it? And with travels and stuff counted for, it’s really 7 -6)

I might have to do it. I might have to give up all my dreams. It might happen. But I hope not. I want to write, and paint and push pixels around. There has to be a way. I don’t want to stand there when I’m fourty, saying that sure all my dreams died, but at least I have a nice house.

It’s just so depressing. Most people (proper grown ups, like over 40 yrs old) seem to think that my painting, photography and writing is some sort of hobby. That I don’t need it to survive. That I should give it up and be realistic about things.

So once and for all. It’s not a hobby. It’s my oxygen. I need it everyday, all the time. To work so much I wouldn’t have time for it, I’d loose myself. I would become something else. I don’t want that. I don’t want to turn bitter. Please?

Yeah, figured this would happen

March 22, 2009 § Leave a comment

“This was a degrading remark about our world’s most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world,” Palin said in a statement released Friday. “These athletes overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will. By the way, these athletes can outperform many of us and we should be proud of them. I hope President Obama’s comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community.”

via CNN Political Ticker: All politics, all the time Blog Archive – Palin, Shriver target Obama for Special Olympics comment « – Blogs from

And the shit hit the fan. But, besides the fact that Obama made a plump joke and just got downgraded from Messiah to Belsebub, I’d like to take a minute and reflect on Palins statement here. I’ll point out the part I’m wondering about:

“our world’s most precious and unique people”

Isn’t this… well.. Isn’t this a bit like talking about puppies? “You are such a cute little puppy, the cutest and best puppy in the WORLD”. Or babies! “Such a beautiful little lovely baby, aren’t you just the cutest most precious baby in the world!”.

Yeah, what’s wrong with that you might say.. Well. IT ISN’T the cutest puppy and the best baby ever. And the people competing in the special olympics aren’t our most precious people. Every human being has an equal value as an individual, but I’d say that our most precious people probably are doctors and farmers, and scientists, maybe? Our most unique people.. Well, they do seem to live in USA all of them at least.

And think of this, if your kid draws some sort of incomprehensible doodle on a paper and claims it’s a duck, you’ll say “yeah, it’s such a good duck too! What an artist you are!” and you’ll pin it up on the fridge. You might even torture you’re friends by calling them up and tell them about the remarkable doodle duck (and your friends will hate you, and no longer be your friends. Don’t ever call me to talk about doodles your kids made, ok?), and for your kids level of skill (eye hand coordination, etcetera), it might be a remarkably good doodle duck.

But it’s still just a freaking doodle. If you take it out of context, and put it in a museum, people will walk by and say “Hey, isn’t that just a kids drawing?”. Because it’s not art.

Conclusion: Just because you are extremely good at something on your level, with your skills, with your background, it doesn’t mean that you actually are good at it. I suck at math for example. I have a very high level of understanding of logical problems, in comparision to others with my level of math ed, but that doesn’t make me good at math in general. It’s just a way of saying “oh well, it could have been worse”.

So, no, this is not about our most precious and unique asset to the human race, at all. It’s about people who are extremely skilled at what they do, in context of their background. Can please agree on it that there is an important difference here? And that differnece can be simply put like this: In one of the cases you pat people on the head like if they were babies. In the other you respect them enough to put their skills partly in context of both their background, and the real world.

Now you choose.

oh teh funnies

March 21, 2009 § Leave a comment

It’s funny because it’s true *giggle*

Oh my.

March 20, 2009 § Leave a comment

Ok, I’m seriously angry now. What’s wrong with the catholic church? (that was rethorical)

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