I loved lamp

January 31, 2009 § Leave a comment

Long good night yesterday. I even danced a passable salsa! My nemesis amongst dances has finally turned out ok! Only problem is waking up rather sweaty and panicky, first because I dreamed that there was US Americans* who tried to kill me (Feds’ hunting me in the swedish forest..), and then because I realized I’m even more broke now, since I went for instant gratification yesterday, rather than like I should, staying home and locking myself up. Not my brightest moment.

Again. As usual. Why can’t I just be functioning without needing a social life? Everything would be so much cheaper then! But seriously, who can blame me. Everyday I sit here, locked in alone in my apartment and stare at my screen, trying to write. My only contact with the rest of the world is internet and my phone. And I’m extremely social. It’s killing me. If I don’t go out on weekends, I end up dying inside come sundays.

I’m handing in 7 pages of poetry today, and a small silly poem about a road (the last one was written during a writing excercise. It’s horrible) instead of handing in my big manuscript. I feel like I need to tweek it a bit more first, and I need to get going again and get the story flowing. I have to. I feel crippled now, it’s like I’m dragging my body through sirap, or rather, my mind. I’m not getting anywhere.

The whole money issue is killing my creativity. This mess I’m in would have felt so much better if I at least had bought something big and expensive, but I haven’t. I hate being a student sometimes.

I’m gonna make up my deal breakers list by writing a short knee weakener-list. Might just as well. Things that makes me go aaah:

1. Intellect and wittyness. *drools*

2. .. No, I think that was it.
I mean ok, fair enough, I’d rather have you with a brain like Daniel Dennet but looking good like Jensen Ackles, but, no. Intellect is far more important then anything else. I’d rather have a partner I can discuss politics with who knows more than me, then sit around stare at a pretty face. It’s amazing, because it’s not just something I say. I’ve never had any specs when it comes to lovers and alike, and their looks. They all look different. But most of them were smart (and a bit neurotic, come to think of it.), or educated. Sadly enough only a few thought it was worth discussing things with females (or was it just me? Hard to know, it might have been a lover-thing). But that has to change now, if I’m ever again sacrificing my freedom for another person and chaining me to a two person relationship, they better have a sexy brain, or else I’m staying single with the good old chastity belt strictly closed and key thrown away.

Talking about chastity belts, I read that the abstinence movement is going to have to move down and make room for a bit of real world in the states. Finally… But more about that later, I need food!

*I’m trying to learn not saying just Americans, since that includes the whole continent. That would a bit silly.

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