Soon, soon february

January 30, 2009 § Leave a comment

I’m horribly broke. It’s official. I’m crap at handling money.
When I did get money this month, about two weeks ago, I paid my bills (40% of this month income) and then paid back money to my dad, which was about half the amount of the bills, then bought insane amounts of food (not really.) and some warm sweaters, since I don’t really have any, and it’s actually cold here, how ever much I deny it.

And now I have to buy new contraceptives, and you know, boring stuff like band-aids and panadols. I wanted to buy something tiny but nice. I wanted to spoil myself a bit. It’s getting tiring never to be able to stand in a store and say, oh! What the heck, buy it, parce que je le vaux bien.

That wont happen. I’m broke, broke, broke. I could always sell my soul to satan and give up all my dreams about authorship, and get a job, but it would feel horrible and wrong. This is probably my last chance ever to write like this. I don’t want to waste it. So instead, there will be no goodies for me. There will be nothing at all for me, it seems actually.

Right now I feel like just wasting all my money. But I need to stock up on vegetables for next week, and fruit. I know my life would be easier if I ate worse food, but my body collapses and my skin gets fucked up, and my mood turns into horror land if I don’t eat properly. It’s one of the few joys my life actually offer on regular basis, proper food everyday. I don’t want to take that away.

So my choices right now are either instant gratification by buying something I actually *want*,  but less money next week, and no proper food, and a crappy mood and general suicidalness, or food, but no money next week, depression, but food, but it wont help. Such a win-win!


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