Writing vs sleepless nights

January 14, 2009 § Leave a comment

I seem to spend a lot of my days waiting for that divine creativity boost. Psst, let me tell you a secret: It almost never comes. Writing fiction is a horror. It ruins your life. It is also off course thrilling and wonderful in all ways when it works. But most of the time you spend just staring into the abysse of Nothing More To Write. The vast emptyness of the universe unfolding infront of you. How, with so much nothingness and so much thats not even remotely interesting, are you suppose to come up with something that is interesting? Is it even possible? The universe is big. It contains everything [we know of, and since we cannot imagine what is outside, it is to us everything. Hence everything] and everything is actually buildt up of a lot of nothing interesting at all.

It is a horribly tough task. I gave myself rules to get me to write and finish this poor little story up, two pages a day I said! TWO. Thats not even a lot. But, I don’t work that way. I normally write about ten pages when I get going, but then i can’t do anything for a week, I’m exhausted. What I am trying to do (still trying) is to create a functioning rutine that isn’t as dependent on those rarely happening divine moments of ten page-inspiration.

It did work when I started to paint several years ago. When I started art school I was a 16 year old pretentious black haired little girl, a bundle of anxiety and multi-syllables, and I remember that I thought that it would be impossible for me to walk in here to the studio two days a week and then be expected to paint. It almost felt ridiculous to force this from me. Three years later the inspiration started to flow about 30 min before every art class. It work perfectly well.
I figured this should work with writing as well. And I know it does. When competing in poetry slam I quite often end up writing my poems the day before, and it works perfectly well to just sit down and do it. It should work with a novel as well..

Well, we’ll see how it goes.
There is no point at all to sit and stare at the screen until it comes – the inspiriation – while the world around falls apart, and there has got to be a way of going around it, especially since it makes me stay up untill four in the morning, just waiting for that feeling that now I finally have something to tell. My body doesn’t like it, my brain doesn’t like it. The only result of staying up for so long is that I’m so tired I get nothing done. Not really my intention there.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to fall asleep and put away the computer when you know in your heart, that the second you close that computer, inspiration will come.

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